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Post 4
I awoke bleary eyed, more tired than when
I went to bed. My body lagged behind my mind, as if I
was hungover, even though I wasn't. I just felt a little
off-center, again, a feeling not nearly new. This feeling
wasn't the only reason why I didn't want to get out of
bed. Staying in bed would have allowed me to ignore the
information I'd received the night before. If I didn't
get out of bed, then the day wouldn't start, and I wouldn't
have to go about the task of facing the situation I'd
put myself in.
Avoidance is key when dealing with such
life-changing events, I think. Though certainly not the
most mature option, I think all of us, at some time or
another, want to curl up and pretend that whatever bad
news we've experienced never happened. Okay, maybe not
all of us. Maybe you're different. Maybe you are just
super-mature and face every problem head on. And maybe
that is why nobody likes you.
Of course, many people might expect that
I would have loved the idea that I really did go back
in time. I must admit, for a moment, I really did. I thought
it was great, that I had gained some level of achievement.
The ramifications of it all nearly fried my brain. I had
visited a time that had already passed, a time where those
who were now dead were alive. A time when innocence still
existed. Well, there was a catch. Although I had gone
back to a time where I had once been innocent, I had brought
back with me all that had obliterated my innocence. A
slew of paradoxes ran through my mind. I thought of all
I could have done to destroy my life in those few short
days in the past. If I had said the wrong thing, made
the wrong turn, I could have ended my existence. I didn't
know this for sure, but my brain grabbed hold of the concept.
I wanted answers. First of all, I wanted
to know why I was lied to, why Jason chose to tell me
I had not gone back in time, that it was all some sort
of mind game. The obvious reason was that he didn't to
let me in on the big secret. He wanted to keep it all
for himself. Without me, however, I couldn't see how he
could prove it all. Unless he had some sort of data. It
didn't really matter. Jason was in prison.
I moved to get out of bed. That's when something
strange happened, something nearly inexplicable. I had
thought I already put my feet on the floor before I actually
did. It was as if my mind was a step ahead of me, and
I had to actively think about putting my feet on the floor
for it to actually happen. The feeling went away as fast
as it came, and I was about to write this off to my state
of mind when I remembered what happened with the bottle
of scotch at the bar the night before. Something was going
on.
I heard the phone ring in my head, and,
a second later, it actually did. For some reason, I knew
it was my mother. I hesitated before picking it up.
"Hi Mom," I said.
"Darren," my mother replied, startled,
"how did you know it was me?"
"One of those things, I guess."
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